Currently Listening: My Stomach



My stomach is keeping me awake. It’s not sore or queasy, it’s actually making such loud noises that I am finding it difficult to drift in dreamland. You see, Bethany and I embarked on a new adventure this week. We are currently 5 days, 14 hours and 27 minutes into our – yes you’ve guessed it – diet. In all seriousness I don’t know how long it’s been…but it’s somewhere in that ballpark.

As some of you applaud, and others ask yourselves the troubling question, “Why would anyone so slender need to diet?” (those people obviously haven’t seen me in a while), I ask you to prepare for the most disturbing news of all. As a part of this diet, or ‘lifestyle change’ as I believe Dr. Phil encouraged us to say, I have given up…brace yourselves…Dr. Pepper! If you know me well, I will give you time to lift yourselves back up from the ground. Me without Dr. Pepper is like Sonny without Cher - well, they split up, so that example doesn’t work – how about rice without the ‘white’ – that doesn’t work too well either, seeing as how theirs is an artificial relationship. I’ve got it. It’s like Santa without the elves or Aunt Jemima without her exhaustive line of breakfast products…or dare I say…my senior pastor Curt Bruneski without coffee!

Whichever way you look at it – I have given up Dr. Pepper. And the only conclusion I can come to, for my lack of sleep, is that my stomach is rebelling against this rash decision in which it was never consulted. That, and the fact that rice cakes aren’t the same as chips, carrots are much less filling than cookies, and being hungry isn’t nearly as satisfying as being full. Nevertheless, I am hungry, my stomach is ticked off, and if I don’t get to sleep soon, I will be cranky tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Sleepless about 2 hours north of Seattle